This (M)old House

Welcome to the inaugural post of Home Wrecks, where we explore and award the creative license of realtors and their ilk.

For our first example, we have this lovely gem:

The listing agent writes,"Very convenient to I-5 and downtown Portland, 217 and lake Oswego [sic], even Salem is a breeze from this location."

It would appear that the house is, in fact, sliding southwards toward Salem and lessening commute times as we speak.

 

Although nothing that a little paint couldn't fix.

Territorial views AND vintage marmoleum, both in the dining nook. 

 

Eeep! Right, well, let's keep walking.......

 An attic perfect for reenacting scenes from Silence of the Lambs.

But wait! There are built-ins! And Nixon-era wallpaper.

 Lots of built-ins! And that pull-down ladder in the top corner means that once you put little Timmy to bed in the attic bedroom, he's going to stay there all night!

 

Now, either the cameraman has some Dutch Tilt going on there, or this house may need some foundation work. Perhaps you can make up for the fact that the original owner decided to forgo all attempts at grading the home site before building.

At least the landscaping features plenty of native ground cover plants. In 2016, the Oregon State Legislature is aiming to pass a bill to nominate Himalayan blackberry as our state flower. This way, you'd be ahead of the trend.